Sunday, 1 May 2011

15. Straight From The Horse's Mouth

Straight from the Horse’s Mouth


Eurgh, what a morning. Cold and miserable as usual and oooh, what’s that? Something interesting...?

Humph, just the horsebox. Oh well, something’s bound to come along that’s more interesting than that…I er…ooooh hello! Is that…food I smell? Ah, it’s only David but OH! He’s brought a bucket! Gimmiethatyoustupidhumanpersongimmiegimmiegimmie!

Wait a moment…it’s in the GREEN bucket. You know I NEVER eat out of that!

You can have it back now as I’m not touching it.



It’s not like I’m fussy or anything. I just have standards! Right, that’s good, he’s heading to the feedroom for MY bucket. I mean honestly, does he think I’m daft or something?


Hey! That’s not fair Kes!

Well you walked into that one I’m afraid.

Pffft, last time I lend you my stable rug!

This is MY rug Tam, you don’t let anyone wear yours!

Yeah…well...I…I…I would let you borrow mine if you didn’t say I was daft...I mean I know that you know that I’m not and I know that you know that I don’t think you are either and I…

Yeah, whatever Casanova!

Love you.

Yeah, I know.

“Right, second time lucky – here’s your breakfast Tam!”


*nom nom nom*

Wait a minute! It’s got turnip in it! Why would you do that? You KNOW I don’t like turnip!

I don’t think I’m hungry any more thank you very much.

“Right then Kestral, let’s get you out and about!”

Abigail? What’s she doing in here? Is that a…headcollar?

She’s taking me to the field, genius.

Yeah, I knew that. What? I did!

See you later hun! Byeeee!


I hate being alone.

*some time later*

KERRY! At last, some company!

“I’ll be back soon to tack you up – just don’t you dare touch that rug. It’s only just been cleaned!”

Hey Kerry?


Are you up for a laugh?

What sort of laugh…?

Oh, you know…just a little bit of THIS!

Don’t you dare!

Too late!

I just can’t believe you sometimes, you know that?

“Kerry! What did you do?”


Oh you’ll regret that Tam, just you wait.

Sure, sure, I believe you. Have fun on your hack…in the rain! Hey! Stop glaring at me!

“Right then monster…”

Is he talking to me?

“…fed or not, you’re going to need groomed…”

Cleaned? Pah, I’m clean already, it’s not like I rolled in anythi…oh, never mind then, carry on.

*some time later*

“Come ON Tam! Get down!”

Noooo! I’m not going outside when it’s RAINING! You silly human – why would I want to do that!?


*hushed silence*


“See? That wasn’t so hard now was it?”

You don’t know the half of it.

“You can behave when you want toooooooooo!”

‘scuse me while I go back inside and get this blasted tack off…


See you later!

“Why do I even bother?”

Heh, now marvel at my amazingness! Come on guys, marvel! No ones looking. Hmm, I’ll sort that out…

“TAM! Stop kicking the door!”



Not gonna happen.

“Shhhh, calm down Tamarind, eeeeasy”

Hmmmm? Is that Lisa coming towards me? It is. That’s not going to stop me kicking though, I’ll just carry on until…POLOS! Aaaaaaahgimmiegimmiegimmie!

“Woah Lisa don’t!”

Damn, him again. When will he learn to stop fussing!?


“We never give him treats when he’s misbehaving – he’s very easily influenced…”

I’ll give you easily influenced!

“…so we don’t want to encourage him”

“Ah right, ok then. Never mind eh? I'll just give these to Kerry instead"

Typical. He gets all the attention when he didn't even do anything!

"See you later Tam!”

Humph. I was looking forward to that. Right, onto Plan B. Let the kicking continue.

“This is your final warning Tam. If I hear one more kick…”


“…right, that’s it!”


No! Don’t shut the top door on me! Nooooooo!

“Finally, some peace and quiet!”

Hello? Helloooooooooo? Oh god, this is SO undignified!

Is there anyone there? Helloooo? KERRY! I knew you’d help me, you being such a nice guy and all…

What’s that Tam? You need MY help?


‘fraid not pal, not today!

What? Oh come ON! Just open that little bolt, that’s all!

It’s not happening mate, have fun in your little window! I’m going for a nice hack in the sunshine, yes Tam, sunshine! The rain went off ages ago! Byeeee!

Oh well that’s just great.

*An hour later*

“…so I shut him inside for a while to shut him up as he was freaking out the kids for the beginner lesson.”

“It was a good idea David, don’t worry about it, although it’s nice and quiet now so I think we can let him out now”

“Yeah, I even brought a couple of mints with me just to let him know that it wasn’t us being mean deliberately”

“What a good idea! I’m sure he’ll appreciate that”

“Come on Tam, out you get, come on…”

“Tam? Oh my god, he’s GONE!”



Stupid humans.

No comments:

Post a Comment